Replacing Gagner

11 Dec

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The Oilers have three #1 Overall picks and Canadian darling & NHL AllStar Jordan Eberle in their top 6, but you know what they really need? A replacement for Sam Gagner. Because, you know, he’s small…or something.

It happens every year. Even in years where the Oilers arent icing a team they apparently need to get rid of Sam Gagner and replace him with Eric Lindros in his prime, because Eric Lindros in his prime won like 8 Stanley Cups in a row or something. I totally understand the hate though. What is there to like? He’s the highest scoring player of his draft class, he’s barely a year older than Eberle yet has 5 years of NHL hockey under his belt, he scored 8 points one night, he’s chippy enough to get in the occasional fight, and he is good for 40+ points every season even if you start him on the 4th line. I mean, that shit is just plain old annoying, amirite?

But that’s not why we knock the Smurf we all know and hate, Sam Gagner, is it? No team in the history of hockey has EVER won a single playoff round with such a small man centering the 2nd line. Fact is, I dont even know how he can successfully unload the overhead compartment of a commercial airplane at the debilitating height of 5’11” and with his girlish 196 pound frame. It is common knowledge that hockey players on average are easily 6’4″ and weigh no less than 250 pounds. That’s why most of them transition into less physically taxing sports like MMA or Pro Wrestling after they retire.

I, like so many of you, dont fully understand why Tambellini hasnt traded Gagner and the rights to Omark for Joe Thornton circa 2005 yet. Probably because he’s incompetent, but that’s another blog post. We all know that as much as we covet big scoring centermen who can also kill penalties and take faceoffs that the teams that actually have those players would much prefer NOT to have them and would DEFINITELY take whatever we offer them.

I also totally think that the Oilers are set at Defense and Goal for the next 20 years and there is absolutely NO need to worry about those positions. If anything, the Oilers need that top 6 solidified, and pronto. They cant afford to let Khabibulin and Whitney rot on the vine like they have been with plugs like Gagner wasting precious time in an Oiler uniform.

For god’s sake, just get rid of the bum, then finally we will have placed the last piece of this puzzle.

STANLEY CUP, HERE WE COME!

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