An Open Letter to Calgary Flames Fans

3 Apr

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Gaudreau, Baertschi, Nemisz…

Dear Flames Fan,

I write to you from the Future, well actually from Edmonton, but from your perspective it will be the Future. You see a long time ago, 2007 to be precise, I was you. Ok, not YOU (because I’m not a Godless Flames Fan), but you catch my drift.

You see, my team had done reasonably well for a few years at the time and made a Playoff run all the way to Game 7 of the Cup Final the year before (Unlike your Flames franchise, my Oilers weren’t given nearly a Decade to try and recapture the magic). In 2007 the Face of the Franchise, a man who bled Oilers Blue, was dealt because he was a pending UFA. Sound familiar? It should. I was gutted, as you likely are. I told myself lies, like you likely are. I tried to make justifications, as you likely are. Hell, I told myself that Ryan Smyth would probably re-sign in the summer as a UFA and he and Kevin Lowe would laugh about it over beers.

It didn’t happen.

It took time but I allowed myself to get excited about the Oilers again. I know it doesn’t seem like you ever will, but one day soon you will get very excited about the Flames.

DON’T.

I speak from experience here, you have nothing to get excited about and everything you THINK you do have will only serve to crush your hopes. Every game for the next few years will be horrible. You know you will lose, and worse, if you DO win you know it won’t matter. In fact, winning will one day be something you WON’T want to happen. Try wrapping your head around that. And losing will be so normal to you and so critical to your happiness that you will have to one day (a long time from now) learn how to cheer for a win again.

It’s a pretty bleak picture, my friend.

By now you –God forsaken Flames fan– have most likely told yourself, “Not me, man. That won’t happen to me. My Flames are not rebuilding, we’re re-tooling.”

Guess what. That’s what the Oilers were doing after 2007.

“No, the Flames have 3 1st round draft picks.”

So did the Oilers in 2007.

Heed my warning or not, but at least listen to this once so you have no one to blame but yourself later: Your team has no identity, no stars, and no prospects of note. They are destined for failure by the heaping spoonful and no matter how many times you put your faith in Sven Baertschi he’s still just a crappy 2nd line AHL forward.

Take that from someone who once believed in Andrew Cogliano. Someone who knows that Robert
Nilsson was the most talented Oiler in practice. Someone who could tell you that Patrick O’Sullivan once scored 47 goals in the AHL. Take it from someone who knew for a fact that Rob Schremp was going to run the Oilers Power Play.

This isn’t High School. I’m not writing you this letter to tell you it will get better. It isn’t. It’s going to get so much worse.

You don’t even know, but I do.

Just remember this. As an Oilers fan I’ve been hearing your mocking cries for more than 6 years while I suffered through this very same thing myself, and I remember each and every barb you threw at me.

There is no pity coming from me. The only difference between what you did and what I will be doing is that I KNOW how much it hurts to go through this and I will enjoy rubbing your ugly faces in the misery and hopelessness that waits for you as you try to cheer for your crappy team.

You don’t have a hope in hell of coming out of this gracefully. Your team is full of nobodies, your farm club is full of never will bes, and the picks who haven’t even been made yet will be wasted on the Mark Jankowskis of the world.

Give up now or have reality destroy whats left of your miserable soul one wretched game at a time.

Yours Truly,
Oilers Fan

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17 Responses to “An Open Letter to Calgary Flames Fans”

  1. Dawn April 3, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Oh Arch. Wouldn’t it be kinder to let them figure it out for themselves?

  2. mesh April 3, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    Poignant :)

  3. David Shortt (@AdMan0828) April 3, 2013 at 10:22 pm #

    *Slow clap*

  4. Steve April 3, 2013 at 10:29 pm #

    The Edmonton Oilers have done nothing with how many first round draft picks and I’m not just talking about the past few years, 15 of the Oilers players are highly ranked and they haven’t done a damn thing, the flames have never had a number 1 draft pick, the Oilers have 3 ….. i mean 4 and are still garbage, it’s a different team with better fans, I’ll say you Edmonton fans are a cut above Canucks fans but that’s not saying much, enjoy the wasted talent, everything changes next year, salary cap drops and a number one pick surely leaves

    • archaeologuy April 3, 2013 at 10:40 pm #

      Two plus Schultz will still be on their ELCs next year. Khabi gone, Whitney gone. Money wont be an issue.

      8-2

  5. Oliver123459 (@Oliver123459) April 3, 2013 at 10:59 pm #

    this guys fucking retarded

    • archaeologuy April 3, 2013 at 11:08 pm #

      Yeah! Wait…What? Me? Well my kindergarten teacher told my mother I was developmentally challenged because I couldnt draw in between the lines, but I just chalked that up to a life long aversion to Arts and Crafts.

  6. Flames_Fan April 4, 2013 at 10:52 am #

    Hey, as a life long Flames fan, I get it. Many were the barbs thrown your way. I think it is in part jealousy and in part incredulousness at how ‘lucky’ the Oilers have been perceived to be over the years. For instance, your franchise started in the NHL (started…) with non-other than the best player to lace on a pair of skates. A few (admittedly)shrewd moves later and you have a bon-a-fide dynasty. Fast forward to now and the recent past, the entire hockey world has had to look at the so called hockey ‘experts’ say that “This is the year for the Oilers” only to see the Oilers finish in the bottom third of the rankings and somehow win the lottery and garner the first overall pick. The oilers have drafted in the top ten 5 of the last 6 years, of those 5, three are first overall picks. The Flames have NEVER drafted higher than 6th. Not once (which is obviously the definition of never). Those times we have drafted 6th overall or even in the top 10 have turned out to be either busts or not so great which is a complete knock against the scouting of the Flames which hopefully has gotten better. The one thing Flames fans can say is, “Yes we may never have been quite as good as the Oilers (excepting 89) but we’ve never… ever been as bad.” We’ve clung to 2004 like a security blanket and now that blanket is gone. We thought with Jarome and Kipper that anything would be possible… even when we were mediocre, just as long as we weren’t as bad as the Oil. I don’t know about you but I miss the battle of Alberta, the Oilers haven’t held up their end of the bargain for too long and now unfortunately the Flames won’t be able to. We all knew intellectually that the Oilers would surpass us one day, how could you not with 3 first overalls in 3 years and drafting in the top 10 for 5 out of 6 years. We got in our shots while we could, now it’s your turn and we’ll take it. We’ll have to. The one benefit of watching how the Oil have done over the last 6 years is that we know what to expect and hopefully, not all of us have the blinders on and can appreciate how hard it was and how hard it will continue to be for a while. I don’t think the Oil are completely out of the woods yet but they are closer than they’ve been and I just hope I don’t have to hear any more of “this is the year for the Oilers”. Have to see it to believe it. Good luck Oilers, I hope that the cockiness and ego of youth doesn’t wind up destroying what you’ve built. BTW, Eberle is one hell of a hockey player, I’ll give you that.

  7. archaeologuy April 4, 2013 at 11:05 am #

    Something I want to make clear here is this: I dont claim for a second that the Oilers rebuild was perfect. I am not boasting about having three 1st Overall picks in my team’s lineup.

    All I’m saying is the road to get there was horrible and worse than I could have ever imagined before going through it, and I see the Flames going through the same thing.

  8. JustWatt April 4, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

    Watching last night’s game was like seeing a hockey version of Mortal Kombat beginning with the wannabe button masher coming out and landing a couple of lucky shots before the champ just trounced him, complete with Ralph Kruger belting “Finish Him!” and the Oil playing offence into the last minute.

    I want to thank the Flames Fan who just gave a very level response to this fun trash talk. It was appropriate to this light-hearted elation. But also, don’t worry, you won’t be long without a top 5 pick. This year will yield your first (and who knows, maybe you get #1 when it’s all done) and probably not your last top 5 draft choice. This Oiler fan is rooting for you to pick up a winner. We want the BoA to be meaningful again. I mean for both sides.

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